We all have those times when the voices in our heads try to shut us down. And if we don’t learn how to navigate them, we will be forever a victim to staying at the same “safe” level that we are trying to move away from.
This article is a true story of a client I worked with that was plagued with inner voices that held her hostage. I bet you will see yourself in her struggle as well. (And make sure you read through the whole thing so you can learn some mindset shifting tips.)
Here she was…. A really powerful, bright, talented and delightful client spinning in self-doubt.
Why? Because once again, she had stumbled on one of those ‘land mines’ as I call them. You know what I mean? The unconscious or that little voice in our head that says things like “who the heck do you think you are to believe you can earn big $, help people, and even have a successful business?”
It was hitting her now because we’ve gotten her to the point in coaching where she’s really getting ready to share her brilliance and step up to FULLY OWN HER VALUE.
By the way, we all have these landmines to some degree or another. But it gets particularly bad if you endeavor to go further than you have gone before. When you want to raise your rates, stand out more as an expert and claim what you should really have in life and business is where you are at risk.
Stay in inertia…the ‘little voice’ leaves you alone. Set a ginormous goal….it will persist loudly telling you all the ways that you may fail and fall on your face.
So what did I do with this client who was really thrown to the floor with the harsh little voice in her head and how does it all relate to you?
First, a little bit of history….ya’ll know that in addition to doing the coaching/consulting work, I have a Master’s Degree in Counseling and practiced as a psychotherapist for 25 yrs, so I know a boat load about mindset! And when I really stepped up and began to own that, as well as focus and specialize in it with my business owner clients, amazing things began to happen.
First, what you should know is that you can’t have one side of the coin without the other.
By that I mean that you can’t have just a marketing strategy without having the ‘inner work’ or foundational mindset pieces in place. All my clients understand this. Which means that they feel safe to come to our calls sharing the ‘stuff’ that they know is holding them back.
We go back and forth between doing the inner work, and then getting the tactical strategy and business building pieces in place.
This was a time that the client was stuck with the little niggling voice in her head that would not let her get her brilliance out in the world.
Let’s go back to her story (which she is giving me permission to share by the way)
I’m going to give you three techniques I use that are pretty fail-safe in the ‘little voice’ battle.
Little voice tip #1-
In the case of this client, I first had her look for the exceptions. Let me explain further…
Very often the little voices remind us of where we aren’t measuring up, let us know how we are failing, and it is always when we are looking to move to the next level. So in this woman’s case, I said, “As I recall, you have been married for 25+ years, have a great relationship with your husband and really enjoy your family, right? So how then can you tell me that the little voice saying you can’t do anything right is true?”
This one stumped her and stopped the little voice in its tracks. When she really looked at it, she realized that there were actually loads of things she did well. The point here is that by looking for the exception, she started the process of believing and stopped getting sucked in by the part of her who was scared of failing.
Little voice tip #2 -
Next up I used the technique of challenging your reality and identity.
It went this way…“Ok client, you see yourself as being prone to failure, not successful, and all the crappy things running around in your head right now. But I see you as being creative, super bright, loving, talented, etc. Whose version of you would serve you better?” The mindset shifter in this case is when she was able to tap into noticing that maybe the chatter in her head wasn’t true! (The key to this is to let in people who will take a stand for you and KNOW the truth of who you are.)
Little voice tip #3 -
And finally, the one that took the most amount of courage was when I asked her to reach out and get feedback.
This brave woman then came back to her coaching group and said, “Hey, I have this assignment from Therese to see how other people perceive me, because sometimes I don’t see myself clearly. So how do you think of me?” The beauty here is that I’ve created a very loving coaching community and within a short time many people wrote back and reflected to her the magic they saw. This went a very long way. She came to the next call a much different person. She was confident, happy, and had owned her value. The process worked!
So when you are spinning in some self-doubt, the keys are to find the exceptions or times you have ‘been there done that’ as in overcoming the feeling. Look also for people who can see you as being more magnificent than you can, and finally give yourself permission to reach out and let others mirror back to you the “you” that they see. This is a huge one because you may be missing what the rest of the world knows, and how powerful it is when you can finally own that brilliance!
Do you notice that the way out is by shifting your mindset?
I’d love to have you get my Business Mindset Toolkit so you can learn quick ways to shift your limiting beliefs on your own. There’s a special on it this week, so grab it now!
In the meantime, notice those little voices. You can learn to control them….so they don’t control you!