Talking to a dear friend the other day, I guiltily admitted that many of my clients had things that held them back.  “Stuff” as I call it.  Like anxiety or secret fears, limiting beliefs, money issues or other challenges that prevented them from really making their business even more fun and profitable.

“Is it me?  Because of my background being a psychotherapist, am I just attracting these people to me because I can help them more than most coaches out there?”

To which my friend replied:

“We all have stuff!  Some of us just work harder to hide it than others, but we all have it.”

Then I realized that my mantra has always been, “You can’t take your life out of your business” because they are connected.  When I work with clients on their business and some other part of their life pops up, to ignore it and act like its separate leads to energy drain and overwhelm. 

I’ve been doing it for years.  Kinda like the go-to person for even the big hitting marketers when their lives weren’t working but they had no place to turn to move through whatever was in their way.  And I’ve been doing it with my clients.  Underground mainly, because who wants to admit that they talk about their FEELINGS with their business coach. 

But in order to really be in service I have to come clean and pull this out of the closet. So here it is….

If occasionally you feel less than, struggle with doubt, get stopped making the money you desire, procrastinate, get overwhelmed, have messy relationships from time to time, get scared when asked to grow bigger….  YOU ARE NORMAL! 

Really. 

This sometimes ‘messy’ mindset stuff is very likely more the norm than your fantasized, “They never think like I think” projections.  Because there is a tendency to compare ‘our insides with their outsides.’  We feel a bit crappy and they look all polished and like they have their sh@t together, so we automatically make the comparison that something is wrong with us.  When in fact, EVERYONE has things they deal with that hold them back from time to time and limit the magic of who they are being…. big and bold and out in the world.

But what’s missing often is a safe place to share this, because often in business we have to put on our best face, move forward, and act like all is well…even when it totally sucks.

This article is designed for you if you know that fundamentally you are a good and well-adjusted person, but at times in your business, your forward motion gets slowed down because the ‘stuff’ gets in the way.

Here’s why….

1. You said the prayer.  You know. THAT prayer.  The one that says, “Use me.  Let me do the work I am to do in the world.  Remove anything that is in the way of that.”
2. You are resisting the next thing trying to be birthed in you.
3. You are being taken to the next highest level, but in order to do that, you have to SURRENDER some other things that weren’t working.

Let’s start with the prayer.  I think in all of us there is a drive to be more, share more, and be of service at a higher level.  And in order to do that, there are some old beliefs that need to be shed.  Example…if you are to be a really well paid speaker, delivering an inspirational message that will help thousands of people, but struggle when asking for the sale because you were taught that it’s not ok to ask for what you really want…you will slow down the progress.  AND if you are really in service to this dream, you will bump into this lesson time and time again until you finally get sick and tired of getting sick and tired!  Meaning, you will finally reach out and seek the support to move through the blocks that are in the way of you and the fulfillment of your dream.  But along the way, you may feel a bit crazy!

Next we’ll talk about resisting the thing ready to pop.  Any woman who has ever had a baby knows that there is no turning back once that baby is growing and on its way.    What’s interesting here is that often times the next big thing we are to do feels often like labor.  (Painful, out of control, scary, wishing it would end.)  So the trick here is to acknowledge that there is something in you that wants to emerge.  Maybe it’s your “I can be a powerful leader” self, or your “I give myself permission to make lots of money” self, or even “I am a person who can make a huge difference in the world” self.  Those babies want to come out!  But to come out…other things need to go.  And this is where it helps to have a guide.  Because if you don’t understand what’s happening, it can feel mighty scary and kind of lonely. 

As I stepped into being an entrepreneur back in 2005, I lost both my best friends and eventually my husband. It was shocking to me because I’m a person who keeps friends and connections for years.  So when the three closest people were pulled out of my life, I had to look at that.  And then notice who else was coming into my life.  People much more in alignment with the values I held dear and with the vision and goals that inspired me.  And it was all preparing me for the next version of myself.  (And delightfully…we are now back being friends again today)

And now let’s talk about that higher level that you are being called to.  Unfortunately there’s not some easy path here.  Actually the thing that would make it easier is paradoxically the hardest thing to do.  And that is surrender.  Just surrender to what’s happening and it goes much more quickly and smoothly.  But most of us can’t.  We freak out when we feel fearful or have doubts.  Freak out when we get the big vision for what’s next, and most certainly do not go around sharing this with other!  So then we take on shame.  Shame that something’s wrong, shame that we don’t have it all together as others, and shame that we have shame even!

But if you are to be the next great version of you, there is almost a ‘dying to what was’ process.  Earlier today I got off a coaching call where the person was beautifully courageous about letting go of what had always worked in the past and surrender to being a new way.  Trying new things.  Operating from faith and allowing versus pushing and doing.  This person is smart enough to have a trusted guide on the path, because if you don’t know what’s happening and that its all NORMAL and PERFECT…it makes you feel like you are nuts! 

So there you have it.  The beginnings of my ‘manifesto’ on stuff!  My hope today is to just normalize it for you.  If you are in some struggle, if you reframe it to knowing that it’s ok and actually means that you are growing, you’ll move more easily through.  And I’ll keep sharing tips and techniques in future newsletters.  In the meantime, I’d love your feedback on the blog here about how you move through in your business when some ‘stuff’ is up for you from time to time.

How about some business lessons and FUN thrown in?  This is an ‘oldie but goodie’ that I pulled from the blog vault.  .

So let me out myself here…I am a Karaoke Queen. Yep. I got divorced a few years ago and starting singing. In fact, it’s been a huge metaphor for me about showing up and playing bigger and I’ve written a few articles relating to how karaoke can be transformative.

But I was recently thinking about the ‘vibe’ of the karaoke bar I go to and can see parallels with the business clients I work with, so if you’ll give me some artistic license…I’m going to tie together being in a karaoke club and running a business. (Yes, lots of license is needed here!)

Karaoke is colorful and exciting.

For those karaoke-virgins, here’s how it goes. One quarter of the room will be wonderful singers. The other quarter of the room will be mediocre to crappy singers, and the other half will be folks too scared to get up and sing. But because of the brave souls who do get up, everyone has fun.

Is your business vibrant and inviting? When someone ‘walks’ in to your website, are they the ones who know why they are there and are clear about their purpose? Or are they the lurkers…just tire kickers who want to see what you have to offer? If you want to be successful you have to be clear who your market is and then set up the ‘stage’ so that they can have easy access to you and what you provide. Look at your website, your marketing messages, and all the rest of your communications…does they invite folks to say ‘yes’ to you?

The karaoke host runs the show.

The place I attend has a woman – whom we’ll call “Nancy” as the hostess. She’s like a pit bull with pipes. It’s her room, and you follow her rules! Sure, she’ll support you as long as you are working within her system, but step out of line and you may get spanked (or at least given the evil eye!) LOL.

Are you running your business like a strong business owner/CEO? That means that you have policies in place that stick. Instead of tailoring payment and program offerings to each individual, you should have programs that people fit into and not the other way around. Too many exceptions, changes, and adjustments will make you and your team nuts! Create the systems, and then have the courage to stick with them. It will make you a better business owner and command more respect from your clients. Sometimes it takes the courage to tell a prospective client “no” because they aren’t the right fit, but in the long run it’s really good business practice to have things systematized. Remember, you are in business not only to serve your clients, but also to make your life easier. Do your policies and practices contribute to that?

The karaoke scene brings out all kinds of people.

Wow….that is an understatement. Just hanging out and seeing the variety in age, size, talent, and personality is half the fun. Here are a few of the ‘characters’ from my time in the karaoke bar – see which one you relate to:

Bob – he’s a crowd favorite. Probably because he’s at least 75 years old, sweet as pie and does about the best Frank Sinatra songs you have ever heard. But Bob doesn’t just sing. Bob emotes and expresses with his whole body. Bob is so passionate about being there that he truly lights up the room. People are drawn to Bob just because of his energy.

As a business owner, does your passion and expertise shine? Can people tell you love what you do? When people meet you do they instantly get that spark of greatness in you? Do you have the courage to stand up and say, “I did it my way?” (Pardon the bad Frank Sinatra pun there!) If not, what’s in your way? (If you have some fear or mindset blocks, you may want to schedule a session with me and we’ll blow that puppy out!)

Or maybe you are like this fellow:

Ron – this is the guy who shows up and sings the same song every week: an old Roy Orbison classic. The guy is good, but predictable. He’s actually technically a really good singer, but whenever he opens his mouth, it’s tempting to check out because it’s like a “been there, done that” experience.

Has your content become stale and predictable? If you keep rolling out the same tired stuff, soon your market will turn a deaf ear. Gotta spice it up! Ask what your market is interested in. Visit other blogs, social media sites, do a Google search, and discover new things to offer. Are you coming up with at least two or three new offerings a year? It doesn’t have to be overwhelming – a teleclass, workshop, new report, etc. Keep it simple, but keep it fresh.

Or, you might be like the girl of the group:

Tammy – At least that’s what I think her name is. Because truthfully, she’s a bit timid and so doesn’t have the big presence like the men have. Tammy shows up (at least partially anyway) to sing, but is so quiet that it’s hard to get a read on her. Maybe it’s because her voice isn’t that strong, but when Tammy gets up to sing, she barely has a voice that’s audible. I’d love to coach her to find her ‘inner rock star’ to get herself out in a bigger way. She’d sure enjoy it more.

Is your business invisible? I’ve seen that a lot with some of my clients who are either new in business or haven’t yet landed as strongly on their brand. They tend to operate to be ‘safe’ and don’t put themselves in front of their target markets very often. These are the folks who send out a newsletter only quarterly in fear of ‘pissing off’ their lists. That is one of the #1 biggest business killers. I’d rather have you lose a few people who would probably never buy from you anyway so you can be top of mind to your market. Your goal is to be the first person they think of when they have a problem, so figure out how do you find your ‘business rock star’ mode and MARKET, MARKET, MARKET!

What you really need to do is act like this guy:

Paul – he’s the one who will do Neil Diamond first, an opera piece, and then jump into some crazy Jimi Hendrix song. Is he good? Truthfully, he butchers a couple of notes here and there, but is fearless about trying new music. And he has fun, which is the most important part of the whole thing. Paul is also the one who talks to everyone, plays the drums, dances, and is really fully expressed when he’s out for the night.

How comfortable are you at taking risks? Are you stuck in the thinking that it has to be perfect before you can roll anything new out? Do you get trapped in analysis paralysis for months and months, afraid to make mistakes? Take it from Paul…because folks don’t remember your missteps. They remember you getting up and having a voice. So whatever you are working on, know that you can tweak it later. The goal is to get it out in the world so it can make you money and serve the folks you are supposed to serve.

Well, did I do it? Can you see the correlation between life in the karaoke bar, and life as a coach for small business owners? I see a lot of overlap. My hope is that asking these questions in a playful way got you thinking. Drop me a line and let me know which one of the characters you are!

And if you want to read my other articles about “karaoke lessons” click here.

Hope you liked the article!  Feel free to leave your impressions about crazy things that you can connect to business as well too!