Talking to a dear friend the other day, I guiltily admitted that many of my clients had things that held them back.  “Stuff” as I call it.  Like anxiety or secret fears, limiting beliefs, money issues or other challenges that prevented them from really making their business even more fun and profitable.

“Is it me?  Because of my background being a psychotherapist, am I just attracting these people to me because I can help them more than most coaches out there?”

To which my friend replied:

“We all have stuff!  Some of us just work harder to hide it than others, but we all have it.”

Then I realized that my mantra has always been, “You can’t take your life out of your business” because they are connected.  When I work with clients on their business and some other part of their life pops up, to ignore it and act like its separate leads to energy drain and overwhelm. 

I’ve been doing it for years.  Kinda like the go-to person for even the big hitting marketers when their lives weren’t working but they had no place to turn to move through whatever was in their way.  And I’ve been doing it with my clients.  Underground mainly, because who wants to admit that they talk about their FEELINGS with their business coach. 

But in order to really be in service I have to come clean and pull this out of the closet. So here it is….

If occasionally you feel less than, struggle with doubt, get stopped making the money you desire, procrastinate, get overwhelmed, have messy relationships from time to time, get scared when asked to grow bigger….  YOU ARE NORMAL! 

Really. 

This sometimes ‘messy’ mindset stuff is very likely more the norm than your fantasized, “They never think like I think” projections.  Because there is a tendency to compare ‘our insides with their outsides.’  We feel a bit crappy and they look all polished and like they have their sh@t together, so we automatically make the comparison that something is wrong with us.  When in fact, EVERYONE has things they deal with that hold them back from time to time and limit the magic of who they are being…. big and bold and out in the world.

But what’s missing often is a safe place to share this, because often in business we have to put on our best face, move forward, and act like all is well…even when it totally sucks.

This article is designed for you if you know that fundamentally you are a good and well-adjusted person, but at times in your business, your forward motion gets slowed down because the ‘stuff’ gets in the way.

Here’s why….

1. You said the prayer.  You know. THAT prayer.  The one that says, “Use me.  Let me do the work I am to do in the world.  Remove anything that is in the way of that.”
2. You are resisting the next thing trying to be birthed in you.
3. You are being taken to the next highest level, but in order to do that, you have to SURRENDER some other things that weren’t working.

Let’s start with the prayer.  I think in all of us there is a drive to be more, share more, and be of service at a higher level.  And in order to do that, there are some old beliefs that need to be shed.  Example…if you are to be a really well paid speaker, delivering an inspirational message that will help thousands of people, but struggle when asking for the sale because you were taught that it’s not ok to ask for what you really want…you will slow down the progress.  AND if you are really in service to this dream, you will bump into this lesson time and time again until you finally get sick and tired of getting sick and tired!  Meaning, you will finally reach out and seek the support to move through the blocks that are in the way of you and the fulfillment of your dream.  But along the way, you may feel a bit crazy!

Next we’ll talk about resisting the thing ready to pop.  Any woman who has ever had a baby knows that there is no turning back once that baby is growing and on its way.    What’s interesting here is that often times the next big thing we are to do feels often like labor.  (Painful, out of control, scary, wishing it would end.)  So the trick here is to acknowledge that there is something in you that wants to emerge.  Maybe it’s your “I can be a powerful leader” self, or your “I give myself permission to make lots of money” self, or even “I am a person who can make a huge difference in the world” self.  Those babies want to come out!  But to come out…other things need to go.  And this is where it helps to have a guide.  Because if you don’t understand what’s happening, it can feel mighty scary and kind of lonely. 

As I stepped into being an entrepreneur back in 2005, I lost both my best friends and eventually my husband. It was shocking to me because I’m a person who keeps friends and connections for years.  So when the three closest people were pulled out of my life, I had to look at that.  And then notice who else was coming into my life.  People much more in alignment with the values I held dear and with the vision and goals that inspired me.  And it was all preparing me for the next version of myself.  (And delightfully…we are now back being friends again today)

And now let’s talk about that higher level that you are being called to.  Unfortunately there’s not some easy path here.  Actually the thing that would make it easier is paradoxically the hardest thing to do.  And that is surrender.  Just surrender to what’s happening and it goes much more quickly and smoothly.  But most of us can’t.  We freak out when we feel fearful or have doubts.  Freak out when we get the big vision for what’s next, and most certainly do not go around sharing this with other!  So then we take on shame.  Shame that something’s wrong, shame that we don’t have it all together as others, and shame that we have shame even!

But if you are to be the next great version of you, there is almost a ‘dying to what was’ process.  Earlier today I got off a coaching call where the person was beautifully courageous about letting go of what had always worked in the past and surrender to being a new way.  Trying new things.  Operating from faith and allowing versus pushing and doing.  This person is smart enough to have a trusted guide on the path, because if you don’t know what’s happening and that its all NORMAL and PERFECT…it makes you feel like you are nuts! 

So there you have it.  The beginnings of my ‘manifesto’ on stuff!  My hope today is to just normalize it for you.  If you are in some struggle, if you reframe it to knowing that it’s ok and actually means that you are growing, you’ll move more easily through.  And I’ll keep sharing tips and techniques in future newsletters.  In the meantime, I’d love your feedback on the blog here about how you move through in your business when some ‘stuff’ is up for you from time to time.