In the last post I shared the story of a client who had grown past something she had made a commitment to.  As hard as it was to say no and end her agreement, she did it.  And this is her story.  It’s all of our story actually, because we have all from time to time hung on too long, said yes when we meant no, and put ourselves last.

I shared the challenges we all face in being a heart centered, integrity based entrepreneur who sometimes has to say no or leave commitments because after much soul searching, discover that they may no longer fit where we are today.

And not only did this amazing client  courageously look at all aspect of her life as we grow her business, she asked that I share her words because hopefully they will inspire you.

This post is part two of her experience.  First she made the decision, then she had to act on it.

She wanted me to share that sometimes, when you say no…it can be a bit messy!  But by persevering, she came away with a much stronger sense of self.  Here’s her story….

“Well, thanks to your coaching, I came to the conclusion that I needed to figure out my priorities and have some focus.  I made a goal to abstain from putting more money on my credit cards unless I felt it was absolutely necessary.  My goal has been to get my money leaks under control and focus on going to cash only for services so I can avoid going further into debt.  As a result of evaluating my priorities and the income outflow and inflow over the next several months, I had to break a commitment on attending a group program that I had committed to.  This was a particularly difficult decision because I am someone who NEVER backs out of a commitment, and I really enjoyed the members of the group.

But as you taught me, things change in business and as a business owner you need to constantly re-evaluate them.  And given that I had made this commitment to myself of avoiding putting more money on a credit card until I had more money coming in, I needed to break my commitment to attend this event that would have necessitated travel expense.

Breaking this commitment weighed heavily on me.  And after I worked with you, I realize how important it is to say NO; and, also how difficult it is – and has been throughout my life – to say No.  I hesitated calling the group leader for a long time but finally made the call.  My financial commitment to the program was already made and paid in full, but the commitment was to attend an in person workshop.  Although I was not expecting a favorable response from the group leader when I said I would not be attending, and do admit that I did break an agreement, the response I received was a bit more negative than I felt was necessary.

And while I feel bad about how events have transpired.  I am excited to know this new and emerging truth about where I am today:

I am in alignment – alignment with me!

Moral of the Story:

I feel good because I stuck with my boundaries and honored myself.  I am aligned with myself and stayed true to that.

I feel bad because what can happen in life – when you break your codependent patterns and behave differently and stand up for yourself – you don’t always receive support from others around you.  And, you may even loose relationships as a result of new behavior – but the true test of relationships and good teachers, are those who will guide you to making your decision and not make you feel bad for making a decision that is best for you.

I feel good because there are never negative consequences when you follow your heart and what you know and believe to be your truth – that is the ultimate commitment.”

Like she says, it’s not always pretty.  And very often when you start stepping up and owning your ‘inner authority,’ the rest of the world doesn’t magically fall in line and applaud the new you.

But here’s the deal – If  you are to be a successful entrepreneur, you must transform yourself into a powerful leader. So if you aren’t consistently looking at new ways you can become your own authority, step into more leadership, and listen more closely to YOUR truth, you are missing the boat.

Consider what happened with spiritual guru James Arthur Ray who last year allowed three people to die in the sweat lodge ceremony he conducted in Sedona.  It’s probably one of the worse cases of subjugating authority, because in spite of being near death, too many of the individuals were afraid to tell him no and leave the situation.

Now most of us will never encounter such life or death reasons to say “NO” but what about the daily, soul killing, business tarnishing things we say yes to because we are more concerned about keeping the peace, not hurting others, not making waves, and being perceived as nice.

But the reality is, the cost is too high.

So my beautiful business owners.  Strap on that seat belt.  Pull up your big girl panties or whatever else you gotta use to give yourself permission to be true to your own authority.  YOU are the expert on you. Don’t ever let a ‘guru’ talk you into something that’s not in your highest and best.

Kinda tough lessons, but trust me….once you learn them and get more comfortable exercising that “NO” muscle, life gets a whole lot easier!  And when life work….so does your business.

Your turn…share your thoughts.  This is such a big and important topic, so please let us know how you get to say no. What’s worked in  your life?

Much love!

This series of blog posts has been discussing the important lesson I’ve learned from the experience of working with my dog, Kailee, and her trainer Susan. Susan made the point that “Yes, Therese. You can outsource having Kailee exercised…But you cannot outsource being the leader.”

Too often we get so good at and have such great results by delegating tasks, that this simple example with Kailee really showed me the downside to this way of being. We are at risk if over using delegation to not face the music or take personal responsibility when we use it to stick our heads in the sand and don’t have the courage it takes sometimes to be a powerful leader and work through the situations that are challenging.

Let’s break it down further….

Here’s a list of things you can and should outsource:
Marketing activities
Sending out newsletters/articles
Booking appointments/scheduling speakers
Research
Bookkeeping
Social media content
Client support
Word processing/data entry
Graphics/web design
Copywriting
Setting up teleseminars, events
Follow up via cards, etc.
Database management

But this is what you absolutely can’t give away:
Being the leader for your team
Speaking the truth when things are hard
Creating the culture of your company and sharing that
Visioning for the future
Raising the bar for expectations
Communicating what’s real
Taking responsibility – the buck stops with you

For me these are some pretty powerful distinctions. Leadership isn’t easy at times. It takes courage. You may not be popular and loved by all. Yet there is no more important asset to you as a business owner. And I also know it’s like a muscle that you can work to strengthen.

So that’s my challenge to you this week. Look at the places in your business where there are opportunities to outsource, and then find more opportunities to lead. What’s gonna change in all of this? YOU! You will find strength in yourself you didn’t know, and a resolve that will serve you well. Step up and step out! We need your gifts in the world.

Blessings,
Therese